Thursday 26 March 2020

COVIS-19 Self-Isolation: A VERY Unfortunate Male Side Effect

The recent mandates from all levels of government to self-isolate due to the effects of the Corona virus, or COVID-19, has led to one particularly unsettling consequence.  Many men, especially those in the 50 - 85 year old range, are now sporting man-buns.

Guy Schroeder, a senior from Peace River, Alberta, thinks back about making this controversial decision:

"There wasn't much choice," says Schroeder. "It was starting to grow fairly heavy back there below my bald spot and I had to do something.  My barber closed down and I was desperate.  After the way my wife trimmed the hedges a few weeks back, I wasn't about to let her get close to me with no cuttin' tool."

Another senior, Abe Mollen from Medicine Hat, Alberta, tells a similar story:

"I just turned 76 when the pandemic really hit.  I was due for a cut, but my barber closed up. My wife left me about three years ago, so what was I going to do?  There was a beauty parlour still open, but I couldn't bring myself to going there.  It was so pink.  And they'd probably try and give me Hinshaw bangs."

Arnie Rochminster, current president of the "Alberta Man-Bun Optimists' Society" (AMBOS) is thrilled.  "It looks like we're going mainstream!" exclaimed Rochminster.  "After years of snickers, finger-pointing, and date-free weekends, men are now looking to us for support.  It's an exciting time for us here at the AMBOS. Our total membership numbers have recently soared to the mid double-digits."

But not everyone is happy.  Elsie Schroeder, Guy's wife, recalls seeing her man with a bun.

"I almost fell off my C-P (chamber pot)!  He looked so ridiculous, with like a moldy black-grey cinnamon bun stuck to his head!" She continued, "I think he also tried shining up his bald spot, but I'm not sure."

Elsie plans on taking action.

"I'm going to write Premier Kenney.  This should be illegal.  No one should be forced to see that thing every day, especially when you can't leave the house.  Besides, he didn't even try to do a comb-over."